The Power of ‘Radical Gratitude’ in Times of Crisis

When there’s some intense situation going on in the world – and lots of fearful stories in the media everywhere we turn, it’s easy to get swept up in overthinking. In times like this, our mind can become like a shaken up snow globe where we can’t perceive anything clearly.

And so as much as our mind wants to keep on thinking and frantically search for solutions whilst in this mood – instead we want to firstly clear the mind. We want to pause and let the thoughts settle. With practice, sitting in meditation works, as do soothing activities like taking a warm shower or doing some light physical exercise. We are all different and we will find the best self-soothing methods for us.

All Feelings Are Part of the Process

It’s okay to feel as you do, and if you’re not feeling the best, know that nothing has gone wrong and this storm will pass, as they all do. We’ve read so many books which pile on the guilt by saying it’s wrong to go into negative thinking, that we mustn’t react – that we need to be spiritually perfect, in other words. These particular books start with a premise that it’s not ok to feel as you feel; which is another way of saying it’s not ok to be you. It’s the opposite of self-love. This is not freedom – and it doesn’t help us when we feel less than out best – as we all do, sometimes.

Trying to feel grateful isn’t the first thing to do. Trying to count your blessings when you’re in a whirlwind of stress is difficult if near-impossible. People force it, trying to be cheery when they’re  actually terrified. This just backfires because and they’re left wondering why those simple self-help concepts aren’t working for them.

And so, after you have first done those things to clear your mind (and you can find some suggestions in my book Emotional First Aid – How to Feel Better In Times of Crisis), now you may be ready to move to a gratitude list – but in a slightly different way to what you may have heard before.

Radical Gratitude

Radical gratitude mean accepting where you are – even if it’s a place you really don’t want to be. This is how we settle the mind, like a meditation – by embracing rather than resisting. It’s a powerful way to let go and move forward. Radical gratitude means looking for the good in those moods and experiences you don’t like – not just the good moods and the good things. Many people teach and practice selective gratitude –  where you write all the great things in your life. That’s great, but it’s just the beginning of a gratitude practice and leaves out a huge part of life experience. Plus, it’s near-impossible to do when you’re not feeling so good.  

Our Emotional Choices in the Middle of a Situation 

When something has happened such as being right in the middle of a world pandemic, our emotional choices are this: to complain – or to make the best of the situation. This isn’t to say “everything’s fine” in a kind of denial way –  but when something is going on, what choice do we have? Changing the situation itself in this moment is not an option and yet that is what most people try to do with their minds. This is resistance – and what we resist, persists.

Make Friends With Your Feelings

If we are experiencing fear, for example, then our choice isn’t to immediately get rid of it or not. It’s to accept where we are or to resist where we are.  This is our choice – and acceptance (not resistance) is the route to what we want, which is freedom from fear.

Firstly, we make friends with our feelings. We may want to write lists about what is okay about feeling how we feel: “Many people feel this way in this situation,” “Perhaps these strong feelings show that I really value myself,” “the fact that I feel fear about others shows I’m a caring person, the feelings come from a well intentioned place” or even “this fear is evolving me to be fearless” (challenges make you stronger and we create our best lives through the challenges as much if not more as the good times – I write more about this in my book). You will find your own, and this technique can take time to get familiar with, so have patience with yourself.

Facing the Situation Itself

Once we have done accepted our current feelings, we want to look for the positives in the situation itself. Is there any good coming out of the lockdown, for example? Are we learning about ourselves or changing-up our routine in a beneficial way, which will help us long after this crisis is over? Is it getting us to be more compassionate to others?

Making the best of the situation helps us feel better. We soften towards the moment rather than fighting the moment. We feel better – and we are more likely to perceive solutions with clarity. So it’s win-win.

Certain people have told me they feel guilty about feeling good in times like this, asking themselves accusingly “how can I feel grateful when other people are unhappy?” To which I’d say, what would your unhappiness contribute to others? If you were on a journey with a guide, would you prefer one who was miserable and afraid, or one who was optimistic, clear-minded and sure? 

And that is why practicing radical gratitude is not just a gift to yourself, but it’s the best thing you can do for everyone around you, too. It gets you into your power where you are more able to help others.

Emotional First Aid: How to Feel Better in Times of Crisis (Watkins Publishing) is Out Now

Article first published in Cygnus Review