Freedom to Be

One of the reasons I first got interested in personal development was because I was looking for freedom. Freedom from overthinking and difficult emotions, yes – and also freedom from caring what other people thought of me; all those expectations and judgements you can get in life. I wanted freedom to be myself and enjoy a life of meaning, purpose and self-expression.

Self-love – and Backing Yourself Up

Growing up, we spend a lot of time searching for love and approval. We also look for that special person to give us that. Even if we find what we are looking for, it’s never enough because what we really care about is the love and approval we give ourselves – and the love and approval we feel from Life itself.

And so the problem is not really about what other people think about us – it’s about what we feel about ourselves. When we think our problem is other people’s judgement, it’s usually because their judgment has triggered our own self-criticism or lack of self-love. By doing the work of approving of yourself you realize you don’t notice outer opinions so much and when you do, you see them for what they are – a mirror showing you where you need to back yourself up and support yourself even more.

People often complain that other people don’t believe in them – but that’s not the other person’s job, it’s our job. One way of looking at people who don’t believe in you is to see them as teachers nudging you to get you to believe in yourself more. The irony is when we believe in ourselves, that’s often when other people start believing in us too even though we don’t need it so much. This is because life mirrors back to us what we are already are.

The Next Level of Personal Development

I often say that we don’t need personal development because we are already personally developed. I teach about self-realization rather than self-improvement, because we are already that which we are wanting to be – and don’t need fixing (even if we can’t see that). It’s about us being more ourselves – and accepting the good that’s already here for us, waiting to be received.

Taking part in seminars or studying the theory can be helpful –  but it’s only the first step. Sometimes it can keep you stuck in the problem, because reading alone (without practice) can keep you in the mental plain of concepts and constantly remind you you’re not there yet.

The ego is addicted to thinking about self help theory, always wanting yet more information and delaying us actually doing the techniques, because that keeps us in its overthinking cycles. It’s the same on all subjects. That’s why so many people choose to talk about or think about the gym rather than just doing it. Instead, we want to get on with doing the practices which clear our mind – practices such as the ones I share in my books. It’s about finding what works – and then doing it.

Living the Work Rather Than Reading About It

My daily practices are vital for me to keep in my centre and get me out of (over)thinking – and be who I am. I share these practices in my bestselling book, Feel Better, No Matter What: Original practices like the Confidence Evoke and the Retrospective Process are so we can become (manifest) who we are through a shift in perception in the present moment. I also expand on tried-and-tested practices like Meditation and Gratitude which clear all that overthinking that stops us enjoying life and being ourselves. And then there are some great ways to deal with intrusive thoughts with techniques such as the Freedom Process or the Icon Switch. This book has got everything you need to deal with all parts of life and make the most out of it.

When I finished writing Feel Better, No Matter What, as much as my ego (and several publishers) wanted me to write another few books about the same thing – I wasn’t guided to. After all, I’d just written “the only self help book you’ll ever need” – so what more was there for me to write? Instead I wanted to live the ideas I’d written about and refine the practices even more – practices that I’d seen working for so many of my clients. Teaching (or studying) personal development and living it is very different – and rather than being known for writing dozens of books explaining self help concepts – I wanted to be an example of someone living the work rather than just talking about it. I also wanted to explore other areas of life and interests of mine, not just participate in the personal development world. And so I’ve got into projects in a whole different area. I’m still doing one-to-ones – and they’ve definitely gone up a level because of my research.

In these other aspects of my life, I enjoy weight training at the gym. I’ve been asked to do copywriting work, something that I used to do alongside journalism. And consultancy work in new areas. And through my interest in property and interior design and how interior spaces can uplift mood – I started creating art. I’ve reproduced one of my pieces for the cover of my limited edition journal Reveal which I released last year.

I recommend my books – it’s all there for you to live your best life: Emotional First Aid for dealing with the difficult emotions, and then Feel Better, No Matter What, a comprehensive textbook which is about finding success in all areas of everyday life. Discover the practices in the books that work for you. And do them. If you want to get the most out of the books, I’d suggest booking a coaching package. This will help you gain new insights and also, most importantly, develop a daily routine that you then follow through with. You can find more details on my one-to-one page.

Feel Better, No Matter What and Emotional First Aid (both published by Watkins Publishing) are Out Now