Finding Love

romantic relationships“Where is my soulmate and how do I meet him/her?” is something I hear from people often. I have taught workshops focused on romantic relationships and what I discovered is that I couldn’t give people a roadmap to meet “the One” but what I could do is get them into that space where they feel better about themselves and their lives – and good things unfold as a result – including meeting a significant partner. And in the meantime – because these things happen in their own perfect time – I could help people enjoy their lives.

I remember presenting at a spiritual event sometime ago and overhearing one of those psychic readers responding to an anxious client, who kept on asking when she was going to meet her soulmate. His answer was: “You’ll meet him when you’ll meet him – that’s all I can say”. The client looked exasperated and no doubt wanted her money back, but I absolutely agree with this piece of common-sense advice. In fact it’s one of the most accurate answers to this question I’ve heard.

“You find love when you are not looking for it” says the popular phrase. And it’s true – if you are desperately searching for something, you can’t find what you’re looking for. It’s like when you look for lost keys – they’re nowhere – and then you stop looking or find a spare set and they show up, right in front of you. You find what you’re looking for when you are doing something else or have found another alternative; when you stop searching or longing or needing – you stop overthinking, in other words. It’s during these times of “flow” that good things tend to happen; including so-called chance meetings with a romantic partner.

Online and offline dating

There are more ways to look for love than ever before in recent history – and yet it sometimes seems that people are more single than ever before. Why is this? Because the relentless searching keeps people in their lower level mind where there are no results. You find what you’re after when you’re in your flow and getting on with your life, taking up a new interest etc.

I know people who have joined dozens of online dating sites, gone out to networking groups several times a week – and nothing. I’ve met people who stay in all the time – and nothing. I’ve also met people who stay in all the time and meet someone on that one time they do decide to socialise – and I’ve also met people who have met their partner online. So it’s not about location – it’s not about what you do or don’t do. It’s feeling – and timing. Once you relax and feel good, you will know if your path is joining a social group or a sports team for example, or finding a new pastime and socialising more.  To accomplish this, you want to do something to ease your desperation (if that’s where you are on the subject). But firstly you want to be gentle with yourself. It’s ok to feel the way you feel (we will get to that further on in this article).

Love happens when it happens

In those great epic love stories I know of, the couple “just met”. They can’t tell you exactly how or give you a secret formula – they met seemingly randomly in a way they couldn’t have planned. There are books written out there that try to get you to do manifest love like some sort of recipe – but I’ve not heard much success from that. Sure, you may be guided to do certain things from within. But following someone else’s personal recipe in one of those books is like following someone else’s SATNAV. It won’t help, and it may get you feeling more lost.

For example, if I told you all about the couple I know through my workshops who met at 12am in Tesco –  then some people would start hanging around in Tesco in the middle of the night. That’s not the point. It has nothing to do with a supermarket or any place or time. Simply, these two were individually called there, through intuition, and they met. You will be called, too. 

Being ok with where you are

The vast majority of modern music is about pain in relationships. Dating can be a battlefield of overthinking and emotions for people – and that’s why the music sells; as so many people relate to these feelings. Art and literature stretching back thousands of years from all cultures show the high intensity; the longing; the loneliness and the frustrations brought about by the search for intimate relationships.

So there’s no need to be ashamed about feeling low on the subject of love relationships, if that’s how you are feeling –  because clearly most people have had that experience. Romantic relationships can be a challenge, and you’re not the only one feeling this way. Right now in this moment, hundreds of thousands of people if not more are feeling this way too. You are not alone. Nothing has gone wrong.

A blessing in disguise

It may be frustrating to know that you can’t of yourself micromanage things to “make love happen” for you. But it’s also a relief. It’s an opportunity to surrender and to trust Life. It’s an opportunity to get on with other things. It’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and to be gentle with yourself. It’s an opportunity to meditate more and listen within rather than listening to that relentless parade of thoughts that lead you nowhere. And perhaps most of all, it’s an opportunity to learn how to love yourself more – which will help you in all areas of life, including with your relationship when it arrives at the perfect time.

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