How to navigate your emotional storms (from Cygnus Review)

lighthouseblogYou know those intense emotional moments – like when you are feeling anxious or afraid about something, or pessimistic about the news, or dealing with a relationship issue – where so many approaches just don’t help you? Well that’s why I wrote my new book Lighthouse: Navigate the emotional storms of life and discover the power within you.

Three easy steps to a better life?

Be happy. Visualise what you want (not what you don’t want). Love yourself. Forgive everyone. “Just let go”. It all sounds good in theory – but these one-liners don’t help when you are in the middle of dealing with emotional storms. Trying to follow those “three steps” to create your life is challenging at the best of times but when swept up in a storm of difficult emotions and overthinking – it’s near impossible. On top of this, when you find yourself unable to follow those ideas you’ve read about, you pile on the self-hatred because “you can’t even do what the books say”.

In my own life, self development had become just another battering ram to use on myself as a way to say that “I’m just not good enough”. I felt bad… and then these books made me feel bad about feeling bad, warning me that if I didn’t feel good quickly then I’d manifest more unpleasantness.

The evolution of Life

This questionable teachings that say that you “shouldn’t be negative” only make people more negative, because what you resist, persists. Just like resistance training at the gym – the negative tension of thought has in fact has many benefits. In the theory of evolution, a species evolves through challenges. If you get rid of the challenge, you get rid of the potential for improvement. It’s the same with life. And so it’s less about trying to avoid the negative thinking or feeling states – which doesn’t work anyway –  and more about working with them. It’s more about gaining the benefits they are bringing to you.

You’re not the only one who has been struggling with applying the self-help theory you’ve read about. After facilitating well over 600 groups and workshops at venues as diverse as Mind Body Spirit Festival, HMP Brixton and The Healing Trust –  and meeting thousands of people from all walks of life there, I can tell you that the same struggles go on with person after person – and many of those steps don’t even work for the authors of those books. So you can be easier on yourself. Relax. And read on.

Relaxing out of mind chatter – and into your ideal life

You can’t think your way to what you want, despite how many times certain books say that you can. All the good in life comes when you sweep your mind clear of thoughts. That’s when the miracles of life start to happen. That’s when you can begin to discover the power within you.

My approach in this book is how to not think; how to relax- because thinking, I’ve found, is not the route to solutions – but the problem itself. Thoughts evolve us, yes – but then we want to find a way to step aside from thoughts, which become the biggest adversary we face. It’s about what to do when you’re in a storm of mind chatter… and then how to step aside from this.

What to do depends on your current mood

What mood you are in, right now, depends on what to do. For example trying to visualise a dream life doesn’t make you feel good and doesn’t have power, when you are mired in unhappiness. Trying to feel confident when you are in a strong current of self-criticism is useless too, and often makes people feel worse. In my book, there are 3 sections: Feeling Low, Feeling Uninspired and Feeling Good. It’s an open-at-random practical section specifically designed to soothe you no matter where you are, what’s going on or how you are feeling – and it works.

People who have attended my events (a weekly group in London’s Covent Garden that has been going for eight years, and numerous workshops around the country) have found a way to improve the quality of their lives using the easy-to-use techniques you will read about here. And perhaps best of all, people have found a way to more often let loose of that “inner critic” mind chatter and discover that sense of inner peace within, fully enjoying life at a whole new level.